September may be over, but suicide prevention and mental health awareness is not. In 2016, my grandparents died unexpectedly. Do I ever or have I ever told people what happened? No, not really. But, amid this crazy time of uncertainty and fear, I’m telling their story to help even one person not go through what I did four years ago.
The instant my grandfather released the trigger, killing both my grandma and himself, I have never been the same. It is impossible to prepare for the wave of emotions of a loved one dying, especially when their deaths come as a shock. My grandpa suffered from depression, and he was treated improperly without professional care from a doctor. My grandpa had delusional thoughts regularly and wrote dozens of letters to government agencies explaining his paranoia about being spied on; however, none of my family knew this until after his death. His mental illness eventually led to his taking my grandma’s life and then this own. Naturally, the shock resonated throughout our family, but I particularly felt that my grandma’s never-ending fountain of determination and compassion for others had run dry when she was killed.
She was an advocate for domestic abuse survivors and she made a great impact in her local Utah community. My grandma worked alongside CAPSA – a non-profit domestic violence, sexual abuse, and rape recovery center – to provide support services to those affected by abuse. Ironically, she passed away from domestic violence herself, despite her countless efforts to control the evidently growing problem.
So, considering how involved my grandma was to prevent domestic abuse and she still fell victim to it, there is clearly not enough word spread. If you think you know somebody who is in pain or considering taking their life, please just reach out to somebody for help. You can never be sure what somebody is going through. Please, don’t go through the pain yourself or let your family suffer from your loss because of fear for judgement. You are not alone. You will never be alone.
People suffer from mental illnesses and take their lives every single day, but still the struggle isn’t talked about enough. Mental health is not a joke and it is definitely not something to go through alone. Please reach out to me, somebody you trust, or the prevention line number below if you are ever feeling like the weight of the world is too much to hold. Please reach out and share this post to help those in need.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
